Kadaj hated who he was – his attitude, his appearance and his purpose. He despised the way he lived to serve someone and was forced to loathe anybody who attempted to stop his actions. Often, he considered giving in. Admitting defeat and ignoring defiance. What good would it do? Mother would still tug at his puppet strings. Order him about like a broken child. He knew he was something else. Something inside told him so. And so now, as he sat, kneeled up gazing out of the window into the grim, miserable weather, he knew what he had to do.

The teen stared morosely at his reflection. He blinked once, twice; his features as blank as the night sky.
‘What is wrong with me?’
He could answer his own question. Everything was wrong with him. There was nothing right about him. He’d never shed tears. Or allow himself to be overcome with any form of sadness. Mainly because he didn’t know how. His minor understanding of knowledgeable things caused several images of Mother and Sephiroth to flicker rapidly in his head. A heavy feeling of fury overtook his entire frame. Now, anger he did know about. Yes. He was definitely used to that. But, this particular rage urged him to act. So he did.
He continued to stare at himself and the way he looked increased his antagonism.
‘I wish… I was human,’ he spoke in an icy tone, gritting his teeth at himself. ‘I wish I wasn’t like this.’
He cast a quick glance downwards hastily.
‘I wish I didn’t have to wear this leather.’
Frantically, he tore at the criss-crossing straps, pulling them apart before yanking his outfit off his body. The chill in the air struck his bare skin and he trembled, standing naked for a few moments. Deciding to destroy the shivers, he wrapped a strayed towel around himself. No, he didn’t really know what he was doing. But, he wanted to prove himself to Mother and if she truly loved him, she’d be watching him do this. So, he carried on, shamelessly.
His eyes met the scissors set on the sink and he took them, raising them to his hair. His vision suddenly blurred and he sensed something watery trickling down his right cheek. But he ignored it, unaware they were tears. Silver strands fell onto the tiled floor as Kadaj thoughtlessly hacked at his fringe, shortening the locks. He stared in the mirror for a long minute then. It was strange… no longer looking out from behind silver bars. Kadaj’s anger seemed to grow now he’d foolishly altered his appearance a little.
Embarrassed, he threw the sharp metal into the sink and turned on the hot tap. He had had enough of staring into abnormal eyes every time he glanced at his reflection. Holding his gloveless hands beneath the tap, he hissed as the burning liquid hit his skin. But, without reconsidering, he rubbed at his eyes, grimacing in pain as the fluid scalded his sight. Then, afterwards, he looked at himself again. Redness was noticeable around his face, circulating his eyes. Of course, they were still the same. He hadn’t really expected them to differ. But, he had wanted them to. It would’ve been nice if they had.
The shivers returned then, and Kadaj felt the water pricking at his unusual eyes again. He didn’t know what it was – so he watched in the glass as it made it’s peculiar journey down the side of his face. Cold, he hugged the flimsy towel around his figure even more. It had no warmth in it, but the lonely teen wasn’t used to heat anyway.
Now extremely ashamed, he sank down to his knees, the towel lifted to hide his tear-stained face. At least now, he didn’t have to look at himself so much. Instead, he gazed at the floor, his Mako eyes beginning to sting as a result of how they’d previously been treated. His body felt heavy and he thought he wouldn’t be able to move from that spot at all.
But… that was alright. He had partly changed his appearance and he was wisely choosing to ignore his purpose. Yes, everything was okay…
Because now, he didn’t feel like such a puppet anymore.